Do you ‘know’ or do you ‘do’?
When I talk to people about how we relate to one another through talking and listening, I often see their eyes glaze over. I’ve yet to figure out what the ‘glaze-over’ is about though ... whether they've heard it before? They know it already? They think it's not important? Or if they're okay and everyone else is hopeless? Sometimes I think it may be about time - not having the time to truly connect and listen.
We all know how to communicate and it gets us by just fine, right? Those times when we have an interaction that doesn’t go to plan it’s easy to revert to name calling, assumptions and generalisations in the mistaken belief that they are the idiot that should have known better or used their common sense, and that all of 'those sorts' are the same. I’m not even going to open the can of worms that is ‘common sense’, well at least not in this blog.
If you’re finding that your relationships aren't working, be it at home, with the kids, with the neighbours, with your team or your boss, take a minute to answer the following questions for yourself:
- How often do I self-reflect on a conversation and consider how I could have done things differently to get the result I wanted?
- How often to I change and adjust what I say and how I say it to take into account the person I’m dialoguing with?
- How often do I know exactly what I need to change or alter to get a better result? (And this doesn’t include completely disconnecting from the other person!)
If your answers are in the range of not often or hardly ever, then I invite you to consider if it’s time for a refresher on how you can do you a little differently. If you know what you need to do and find it tricky to do it when you’re in the moment (many people remember after the fact and by then we’ve lost the customer or upset someone), we can help through individual coaching or group trainings.
We all know how to converse. The challenge is do we act upon what we know when we’re conversing?